How I got here a/k/a TMI

“How often it is a small, almost unconscious event that marks a turning point.” These words were written by a courageous, Christian, Dutch woman named Corrie ten Boom when writing of her life in "The Hiding Place." She, her father and her sister were imprisoned by the Germans during WWII for hiding Jews. Ms. ten Boom is the only one of her family imprisoned to survive the Nazi concentration camps. She was in her early 50’s when she was put into one of the worst Nazi camps in Germany – Ravensbruck. She survived and lived her life traveling the world giving witness to the glory of God and the fact that even in the deepest pit, God is there. It is a remarkable story. I dare say it has changed me and enlightened me. (Her life makes me and my life seem so weak and small – especially when I complained of living with no A/C for a whole week after Ike). And I didn’t even know of Ms. ten Boom or that this book, first published in 1971, existed until October 1, 2008.

This post is not a review of "The Hiding Place" (although I recommend it highly, esp. the 35th anniversary edition 2006), it is about how I came to find it.

I’ll be blunt – I’ve had what I consider to be a fairly good working relationship with God. I don’t always like what is happening or understand it but I can usually sense His presence. All that changed on August 22, 2008. God just up and disappeared on me – with no forwarding address. Left, fled the scene, goodbye, sayonara, hasta la vista, don’t let big door hit you on the way out. He did give me a parting gift though, one I didn’t understand – or like at the time. To be honest, I don’t particularly care for it now. The last thing He did was lead me to Isaiah 54:7. I won’t quote it all here, but let’s just say it talks about how God is going to forsake me because He’s angry. Not the thing a girl wants to read in the morning before coffee. (Is. 54:9-10 does talk about how later – after the forsaking – God will have everlasting mercy and kindness on me. But He didn’t lead me to verse 9-10, He led me to verse 7 – the one about getting forsook).

When God says forsaking, He means it. The rest of August and September were very dark and dry like the Sahara. I could not find Him anywhere. I looked in all my usual places but found no one there. (I did find one of those pennies once in a while. Usually when it was particularly dark, but other than that God was not communicating with me at all). And everyday was Dodge Ball. The red balls flying so furiously, I still have a few bruises.

September 30, 2008 was the darkest day. I don’t recall all the red-ball details but by nightfall I was out of the game and I didn’t want to play anymore. I took my ritual 9:00PM bath (I know, why too much info) and pretty much collapsed there in the tub. I completely broke down. My heart was broken, for many different reasons but a big one was that I felt after everything I’d been through I always had God and now He had broken up with me. I couldn’t handle the pressure anymore. I didn’t have any strength. My face was wetter from my tears than my body was from my bath water.

I climbed out and crawled into bed and just wanted to be left alone. Of course, that was not to be. My phone rang and it was a friend telling me another friend was having a bad night and could I please check on her. Are you serious? I am trying to lay here and fade away myself. I didn’t feel like helping anyone nor did I feel like I could. But I said Okay that I would call her and check-in with her. It’s just a quick call, right? The second my friend came on the line I knew she could not be alone. She needed someone. What I failed to realize at that moment is that actually I needed someone too.

Despite her protests, I went to be with her at the minor emergency clinic. We were there until after 2:00AM. During the time I was sitting with her in that little room waiting for someone to come and take care of her minor emergency, something unseen was taking place. God was taking care of my minor emergency. That is the night He reappeared in my life.

Because of her accident, I thought of a book that I wanted my friend to read. I thought it would be helpful and offer counsel to her so I decided to go the next day/that day and get it as a gift. While at the bookstore I discovered "The Hiding Place." I thought it sounded like an interesting story – Dutch watchmaker survives concentration camp, yada yada. I bought the other book too. (Funny thing though, my friend never got her book from me). When I got home I started to read both of them – I can’t give a book I’ve never read can I? I read them both at the same time. I was riveted. God was swarming back in and I could barely keep up.

Still can’t, really. He is now giving me more water than a thirsty girl can absorb. I realize it’s more than anyone wants to know or cares about. But the thing is is that when I thought He was gone, He wasn’t. Silence – or forsaking – doesn’t equal total abandonment. "There is no pit so deep that God is not deeper still," - Corrie ten Boom. The circumstances in my life have not changed since August 22 but everything in me has changed. I have such peace that I never knew before.

Peace. It is such a beautiful thing, a precious gift. And to think it all turned around during such a small event as keeping company with a friend in the emergency room.

God’s funny that way. We think we are helping but we are really the ones getting helped.